Looking good helps in feeling good     

Spending an hour in Sephora is my newest obsession. The makeup emporium has now opened two blocks away from my Manhattan psychiatrist. The expression "retail therapy" aptly describes the pick-me-up I get from poring over the goods in this store after I exit his office.

When I told my close friend Kurt Sass I couldn't think what to write for my next installment, he suggested it would be a great idea to talk about how we can do even little things to make ourselves feel better-"endorsing" the efforts we make in our recovery. Now, I don't suggest everyone go into debt to look good.

Rather, I think one or two splurges could go a long way in improving our mood. When I was a lot sicker, I wore Goth makeup, and looked like Siouxsie Sioux-the lead singer of the Banshees, a band of snotty Brits. I was using makeup to beat up against myself. Over the years, as I began to get better, I removed the layers of makeup, revealing my true, beautiful self.

Early on in my recovery, when I was looking for full-time work, I was a big fan of a lipstick called Fado. The word is Portuguese for a type of melancholy song. Ironically, it lifted me up. I was no longer in mourning over the years I lost to the illness. I wore the lipstick religiously. It was something of a good-luck charm. I was wearing it on the interview that led to my first job.

It may seem frivolous to spend money on cosmetics. However, I consider it a necessity, not a luxury. I want to look good, because then I feel competent to meet the demands of real life. Whatever occasion comes my way, I know I'll be prepared for it.

I believe each of us gives a performance every day of our lives, whether at the food market, on the job, or in any interaction with another person. Demeanor is not just how a person looks, though, it is how she composes herself in response to the trials of life.

Years ago, someone remarked to my mother that I must have it easy. That wasn't true, and my Mom told her, "You don't know what Chris goes through." I only made it look easy. That's because I bluffed. I did what I had to do: "fake it 'til you make it."

When I'm dressed well, have a good haircut, and look appropriate for the situation I'm in, that's when I feel the most comfortable. This allows me to take risks in my life. As a human being, I'm always going to feel vulnerable. Yet somehow, if I toss on perfectly cut wool trousers and a turtleneck, I feel like I'm in power.

Truly, it's the little things we do that transform our perception of ourselves. The changes do not have to be dramatic to have a lasting impact on our self-esteem. One instant boost in the morning, for me, is to apply red lipstick. If I'm running late, or don't feel like doing my face, I can swipe this color on confidently, knowing I'm ready for anything.

Fire Down Below, by NARS, is my new favorite lipstick. My friend Stella thinks it looks good on me, natural-not screaming. As a female psychiatric consumer, I'm hyper-aware of making a good impression. I refuse to sexualize my message. Yet I won't put myself down by appearing ill groomed.

True beauty isn't skin deep. It comes from the inside. Are you a loving, giving person to others? Then treat yourself that way. Take a chance on yourself, you'll like what you see.